Busan: Fireworks & the Adventures of Sad Panda

Last weekend, a crew of four of us decided to bus to the second biggest city in Korea to see the beaches, hills, and eat some really good burritos. Yes, we did these things, but they're not very interesting to write about, so consider that part of the entry finished.

The more interesting parts of the voyage started on the bus ride there. A shade less than 4 hours, the placement of the rest stop within the first 45 minutes of the ride was a poor choice indeed. By two hours in and a few pitchers of Hite deep, full bladders started becoming a major issue for Kory and me. As we approached Busan and started hitting major traffic, ideas of urinating before our arrival began circulating among the group.

Option 1: out the tiny window in the back left of the bus using Mike for a blocker,
Option 2: Into an empty beer pitcher--wide mouth of course--using Mike as a blocker.

Despite Mike positioning himself many times between myself and the old ajuma seated a couple feet away, the uncomfortable stretch needed to execute the maneuver made it impossible to relieve myself, and so both Kory and I had to wait until we got there. Anticlimax I know, but perhaps some foreshadowing for later events.

Friday night out was debaucherous and tiring having already been drinking since 4, so at around 2am I returned to the hotel room to find Kory in his boxers watching Sound of Music. We then took a bath together in what seemed to be a large tub. It was much smaller than expected and there was lots of uncomfortable touching.

Saturday was a nice beach day, where we walked around hungover and did stupid foreigner things. See exhibits A & B:

Exhibit A

Exhibit B



After a really shitty Italian meal that caused Mike to throw a temper tantrum, we hit up a couple of bars on the beach and luckily saw some friends from Friday night. I say luckily not because we were glad to see them, but because they had a plan. Oddly enough, these two Korean Americans had spent their afternoon creating a fake survey to distribute to possible hotties at the bar. While this transparent ploy was easily spotted by most girls they tried it on--showcasing their desperation--it was still good entertainment for the rest of us.

The night continued on as normal until Mike came onto the dance floor holding about 12 roman candles. Immediately, the group ran out onto the beach and began a fireworks battle, running around on the sand shooting the roman candles in every direction. It was chaos. Now, I have been known to get caught up in the moment at times, and once again, serendipity trapped me with its sweet allure. I could only stand and watch as the pink flare from my roman candle shot directly into Ember's hair. The hilarity of the moment was in two things:

(1) There was at least a 3-second span from when the pink orb landed in her hair to when her head leapt forward in reaction (apparently she only realized at the smell of burning)

(2) Frozen in panic, my arm had not moved from its previous position, and 5 seconds later another blast nailed Ember straight in the forehead.

There were many apologies, but, in the end it was all worth it.

[shotgunning interlude]

THE ADVENTURES OF SAD PANDA

Meet sad panda, a caricature of a very drunk Michael Zimmerman. Sad panda is sad cause his stomach hurts.



When we arrived back to our hotel with sad panda, we noticed that none of the lights were working. We called the repairman to come up and fix it. Right as the old korean man walked into our room, sad panda had to sprint to the bathroom and growl into the sink. Whether it was the smell of sad panda's growl breath or the sight of an invasive species in the hotel room, he actually sprinted away into the hallway.

Next, the sad panda flopped into bed and passed out. About a half hour later, sad panda was feeling a bit dizzy, and gurgled a little slop onto his pillow. Kory ran over with a garbage pointing and yelling "trash can, trash can", whereupon the sad panda acknowledged this, then decided to go straight for the floor. Not to use another animal analogy, but he kind of looked like a barfing sea lion. For someone who was sleeping on some couch cushions less than 3 feet away, you would think i would have been more concerned about the ever growing panda juice creeping towards my bed.

i was too busy laughing. and besides, it was sad panda.

The next day we went to Beomeosa Temple.




Hidden up in the mountains, it was beautiful, especially with all the lanterns set up for Buddha's birthday. Sad panda lapped up some water from a sacred bucket. This was to be a grave mistake.

Some two hours later we all arrived to the bus terminal exhausted. Most of us had our juices and snack bags clutched in our hands, sad panda had his puke bag. Sure enough, moments after the bus pulled away from the station, a familiar grumble found its way to sad panda's stomach. Out came the bag, and out came the sacred water from Beomeosa Temple, along with bursts of laughter from his friends. A good time was had by most.


Sad Panda in Action

I Flew an Airplane

Drunk.

Well, kind of.

A few weeks back we booked some cheap flying lessons cause (a) i love flying, & (b) korea's liability laws are lacking. Due to boring and complicated scheduling issues, I was going to have to do the lessons Sunday morning in Daejon after meeting Joyce for a reunion in Daegu. Not wanting to cut my time with Joyce short in Daegu, I ended up heading to Daejon to fly the airplane on a bus right after partying all night. I was cold, tired, and hung-drunk. By the time Kory and Mike picked me up at the terminal, I was disoriented, out of cell phone battery AND minutes, and had needed to buy a newspaper to stand in for toilet paper in the worst bathroom I've ever seen. I hopped in the Ddongchim, and we were one step closer to flying. After following some schiesty directions, we arrived at the airstrip, to find as like to call her, the Silver Bullet. Then there was our Sky Captain from the World of Tomorrow, who actually turned out to be more like Bilbo Baggins from Britain. Good guy though.





Despite Bilbo's body odor and almost losing my cookies on my first flight up, everything went pretty smooth. Towards the end of the day, things were winding down when an amazing thing happened. A little Korean man hobbled his way out to the runway with a parachute, and what appeared to be a large fan. A few glorious moments later, the Fanman had manifested right in front of my eyes. Here he is motoring his way into the sunset.



Oh fanman. Is there anything you can't do?

Peep Jousting is Sweet

As those good Christians out there have already figured out, Easter was on Sunday. Of course, I almost forgot, until my wonderful Mema sent me a Easter package full of goodies. Included in this package--other than some chrontron bunny ears--were my one time nemeses: Marshmellow Peeps. Now, I know what some of you idiots are thinking out there; "I love Peeps!". Of course you do, you're idiots. Us civilized people find peeps disgusting both in texture and taste, and of no use. That is, until I found out their one purpose: Peep jousting.

The game is simple. Stick a toothpick in each peep and throw them in the microwave. As they circle each other with lances erect, the tension grows, as well as their fluffy bodies.





In theory, one peep is supposed to pierce the other's armor, deflating him to the size of a peanut. In our fight however, both peeps decided to drop their lances and boil in the warm light of the microwave. We called it a draw when the sugar started caramelizing.

Animals + Coffee = Weird

Well, it's finally happened. Korea has reached a new high with an idea that could make any struggling country rich in tourism, such as a young French Polynesia, or even France.

This idea, which will soon make these businessmen rich beyond their wildest dreams, was based on the premise that taking two things people like and putting them together is bound for success. People like animals, & people like coffee. Thus, Puppy Palace was born. Yes my friends, the small café is overridden with dogs and cats of all sizes, with bows, ribbons, make-up, and any other accessory you could imagine on an animal.

We shall start with the entryway. It is subtle, to say the least.



With mirrors on both sides as you attempt to ascend the staircase, disorientation is an immediate effect of Puppy Palace. There seem to be puppies and kittens in every direction, and you have suddenly been stricken with a strong case of vertigo.

Assuming you make it to the top of the staircase with the help of your loved ones, the opening of the door to Puppy Palace brings on the next flood of senses. First, the stench of a large number of animals in a small café: unpleasant, but expected. Next, the "the greeting of a thousand barks"--as it is so called at Puppy Palace (by me)--hits you square in the drum, followed by a mob of excited, jumping little creatures at your feet. I would say dogs & cats, but by the look of them, there seem to be many hybrids.

Once you've tossed the ugly ones aside, you can move on to your table, and grab the small cute ones and place them on your lap. An opportune time for pictures.





Now, don't get me wrong. It's pretty fun to go around and give them stupid names and make fun of their ridiculous make-up (see below):


Here's Mike with 360. She likes to jump in a circle and then look at you eagerly for approval.



This guy was Ed. He bore a striking resemblance to the retarded hyena from Lion King.


This is Pinkerton, my own favorite. He can't walk straight, but has cute pink cheeks.


This is Pebbles. Mike really took a liking to her.

However, as much fun as naming the animals is, it is a bit tough to drink your coffee when there are dogs, cats, and hair in every direction. While Puppy Palace is a thoughtful establishment, and gives you to-go mugs to minimize the problem, it turns out that having a cappucino with 5 dogs on your lap is not ideal. Thus, I don't think I will be returning, but if I do, I will save the coffee for another time.